50 ways to annoy Gwen
by Princessa Guinevere
Summary: Gwen bashing time! WARNINGS- Slash Gwen/Morgana, Gwen/Arthur, Gwen/Merlin, Gwen/Lancelot, implied Gwen/Uther. Improved!


Say 'Arthur may think you're a pretty face, but that's all you'll ever be to him.' Run fifty miles.

Tell Gwen the 'Real' reason Lancelot left... he couldn't handle Arthur and Merlin's relationship and his jealousy got the better of him.

Persuade Merlin to say to Gwen 'You know Arthur isn't as strong as you think he is.'

For added effect, 'Neither is Lancelot, come to mention it...'

Start a 'Gwen is a slut' club. Persuade Arthur, Merlin and Lancelot to join.

For added effect, Persuade Morgana to join. Then show Gwen the evidence. Let Gwen do the rest.

Ask her if she has her cycling proficiency yet.

Ask her 'When's it due?' and 'Whose is it?' Run super speed.

Ask her 'Did your dad raise you to be such a hussy or did you learn that yourself?' Run to hell and back.

Persuade Arthur to take his shirt off when Gwen is in the room. Bribe him to make advances and when she falls for him, get Lancelot to walk in. Laugh when he yells 'Traitor!' and storms out.

Bribe Morgana to make touches last longer than necessary, especially in Uther's presence.

Give Gwen a list and force her to read aloud. 'Things I am not allowed to do. 1. Kiss Arthur, 2. Kiss Merlin, 3. Make love to Lancelot...' etc.

Tell Lancelot that Gwen hates him. When he ignores her and she cries, laugh.

When Arthur is in earshot, ask her loudly 'So, was Lancelot any better than him?'

Stick a sign on her door. 'Whore' or 'Slut' should do the trick.

For added effect, Make sure Uther sees it.

Tell Uther that Gwen is 'for hire'. Laugh when he offers her gold coins. Wolf whistle if she accepts.

Be racist.

Run up to her and hand her a skimpy looking two piece and shout loudly 'I got that tease you wanted for Arthur!' Make sure Lancelot is in earshot.

Address her as 'Guinevere' in Arthur's tone or 'Village bicycle'.

Stick a sign on her back. 'Kiss me, I'm a whore' should get a response.

For added effect, Bribe Morgana to go up and kiss her in Arthur's presence.

Ask her what days she works.

Constantly say her name.

When she snaps, yell 'God, no need to take out your PMS on me!' Make sure everyone is in earshot.

Lock her in a room with Lancelot until she admits she wants him more than Arthur. Make

sure Arthur is present. Make sure Merlin is present.

Call her 'Frizz head'.

Compare her to Hermione.

Ask her if she has ever been to Hogwarts.

When she is confused, yell 'Sorceress!' and watch the fun unfold.

When she's chained up in the dungeons, ask if she imagines Lancelot or Arthur chaining her up.

Spread rumours that she's sleeping with Merlin. Make sure this reaches everyone but Gwen and Merlin.

Or, bribe Merlin to play along to a point.

Start an 'I love Lancelot club'. Tell Gwen about how successful it is. Refuse to let her join.

Tell her falling in love with knights and warlocks are so last year. Tell her she'd have better luck with a troll. Run very fast.

When Arthur and Lancelot are present, murmur quite loudly to her 'Your cleavage is showing'. When she get self conscious and tries to hide it, comment 'Hey Arthur! Lancelot! Gwen's doing a strip tease!' Run for your life.

For added effect, yell Uther's name also and see what happens.

Ask if she likes dating wannabes. If she asks why, say 'Well, Arthur's a wannabe King, Lancelot is a wannabe knight...' etc.

Tell her Morgana is pregnant. Bribe Morgana to say its Lancelot's. Take picture of Gwen's face and post on internet.

Tell Gwen that Arthur knows. Refuse to elaborate.

Get Gaius to give her a talk about 'The birds and the bees'.

When he is doing so, shout 'She doesn't need the talk! She's already doing it with three guys!' Run very quickly.

Start singing 'I will always love you' in Arthur and Gwen's presence. When Merlin walks in, shove him towards Arthur and finish the song.

Get Arthur to kiss Merlin. When Gwen walks in, yell 'RAWR, I am the slash dragon! I shall eat you!'

Or, Get Morgana to waltz over and kiss Gwen in Arthur and Merlin's presence. Yell 'The Slash Dragon triumphs once again!' Pretend to fly off.

Post up a photo-shop picture of Gwen in Arthur's chambers. Make sure she's the last one to see it.

Ask her to sing 'Unfaithful' by Rihanna.

Ask her to sing 'Where is love'.

Make Gwen catch Arthur, Merlin and Lancelot in a threesome. When she runs and cries, laugh like a maniac.


End file.
